Is it crime to be single?

Recently I read from the Jakarta Post, a really intriguing article which I would like to share with you.
A person commented on two local movies that enraged him. No, it’s not because they’re badly written, poorly executed or starred a model trying hard to be an actress. It’s the message that annoyed him, the "Go get married or you’ll be doomed" message. Oh, please.
This is exactly like our society. Mothers always ask their children, to get married, especially if their sons or daughters reach the age of 25s. Over and over and over to the point that it just gets too much. Okay, I understand every mother’s wish to see their children married. It’s only human. Who wouldn’t like a joyous wedding followed by more babies to fill this overcrowded world? But, hey, this doesn’t mean that the single ones are sick, right.
A lot of lines in the film will make singletons feel they did something bad, that they won’t reach ‘good son’ status until they are married. And that life won’t be complete without your other half.
Sure. Now watch those infotainment shows and you’ll see how many married couples are filing divorce paper and crying over splitting the TV.
We should know that it doesn’t take marriage papers to be happy. But this doesn’t mean you have to be single to be happy, either. The thing is, there shouldn always be choice for everyone to decide what they want to be - single or not.
When a girl over 20 comes to a wedding, you can bet she’ll be asked by a whole troupe,"Where’s your boyfriend?" When she brings the boyfriend, unfortunately, the question changes,"When are you getting married?" When she’s married, it’s ,"Any plans on having a baby soon?" The vicious circle just won’t end.
The thing is, everyone thinks being with someone will make them happier. I’m not saying it can’t, but in the 21st century, it’s sad to judge someone’s life based on their love life.
Against all else, we should know the more important question to ask someone you care is,"Are you happy?"
People look and long for love, naturally. Some through marriage, some from their friends, some from family. Millions of people want to get married, but maybe millions of others don’t. There’s nothing wrong with either, so don’t judge one side from another. Honestly, is it a crime to be single?

A dream saga (A collaborative ballad)

First, thanks to Jonathan M who initiated this as a comment on my poem in facebook note, now,I would love to share in my blog how this ballad has become, it's very funny, romantic and interesting with efforts to make the lines rhyme, despite few inconsistencies...This poem can be found originally in my comments in my note on facebook titled 'Frozen', and anyone who feels like prolonging it can comment more on the notes,welcome, and please please do...I myself found it very fun as this is so unpredictable and abrupt... But, we can consider this ended, unless there are more lines later, then I will update.



Jonathan M at 10:26am March 25

Once upon a time
There was a knight
Who lived to make a dime
By conquest and by fight

Power overcame reason
Victory a constant lust
But soon will come the season
When all will return to dust


Cath at 12:02pm March 25

Cos love then came unknowingly and forcefully
Power conquest and fight are no longer that intense
A thing has overwhelmed his mind truly
A love has came to him in immense

A lady in one of his excurse
Frail, beautiful and unprotected
Whether or not he had himself in curse
His reasons were emotionally-tainted


Jimmy  at 1:52pm March 27

Then Came a night!
With thunderstorms and sky light!
When a Demon Came from underworld
ready to take over the earth

The knight knew what needed to be done
To let his kingdom shine by the Sun
Leaving his lady under the protection of god
he went to fight the demon in the weather red hot


Jonathan M at 3:44pm March 27

Onward to battle the undead!
With seven heads and seven tentacles
Whose roar filled men's heart with dread
And it's eyes a diabolical spectacle

Unleashed the fury of a beast
Chained for eons beneath the earth
The knight in armor not daunted the least
For he fought for the lady who filled his heart with mirth

Jimmy at 8:04pm March 27

The Day was cursed the hearts were bent
A rumour sneaked Girl like a rodent
The knight had died She Came to know
And from her eyes oceans began to flow

Stood on the Demon's 3rd head Knight Slashed his Sword
Piercing it in its heart more can the Demon could afford
Taking a sommersault, Knight landed on the Ground
Demon bled to death,n Knight,in style,spun his sword around

Cath at 11:22pm March 27

Day by day the lady felt miserable
Tears came flowing and intolerable
She had thought of his man’s death morning and night
How would she lead her life without her knight?

She could not release this obsession
She would simply go out of this vexation
Tempted to join him in his new place
Trying to find some toxic so she wouldn’t face anymore days

Jimmy at 2:09pm March 28

So she decided what needed to be done
she decided to end her life with a gun
She took the gun fixed it on her head
She glanced the window with her face wide spread

she shed her tears for the time last
Her mind was stunned and thoughts came fast
When suddenly she saw a bright light
blurring completely her eyesight

Cath at 2:22pm March 28

Her man was standing at the front door
Light came showed the only man she adore
Heavy agony turned bliss
Her longing and worry came into peace

Tears came and blurred her eyes
Trying to say, tell and shout
But all she knew her love was so big in size
Thank God,alive her knight she thought about

Jimmy at 2:31pm March 28

But then it disappeared like a shadow
She fell down on the floor like a meadow
Was she going insane she thought
So she fixed the gun back on the spot

One of Knights Friends was passing by
Beneath the graceful starry sky
He was so smart and his name was Kevin
Startlingly he heard a gunshot from his friend's cabin

Cath at 2:47pm March 28

Kevin hurried and looked what happened
He could see the lady there
She was very emotionally dampened
Decided to die before it gave her more nightmare

But what made Kevin more surprised
Was his best friend hugging her lady on his lap
The lady had planned to die to pay her price
But the knight made her miss the shot by slap

Jimmy at 2:59pm March 28

Kevin was still glancing the scene
when suddenly they heard a hard scream
Knight glanced out of window to outside
A Monster had came out of nowhere like a tide

Knight ordered kevin to escape with her lady
And he took out his sword like a real slim shady
As they cleared the house The Monster banged Fist
For the escape Knight gave his body a nice twist

Cath at 3:31pm March 28

The lady was so panicked
"Is this a trick?"
One thing she had in mind was just
Never ever leave her man in gust

So, she pulled herself out from Kevin
Chasing her man worrying and finding hint
Taking her own sword and trying to fight
Not waiting and crying out of her man's sight

Jimmy at 3:52pm March 28

The Monster was Huge as Mountain
But they were pouring with Love Fountain
They Jumped together like flying darts
They knew one hell of Martial Arts

They Jumped long on the Monster's Head
They Didn't fear at all to be dead
Two swords flashed like a bolt
Giving the monster A Painful Jolt

Cath at 11:27pm March 28

The monster fell into pieces
Breaking into lots of smaller spheres
One of them grabbed the princess
and flew away into the darkest atmospheres

The knight shouted in fear
Knowing that his lady was missing was beyond the pale
All of a sudden, he felt queer
This is the first time he felt so frail...l

Jimmy at 1:37am March 29

Then he clenched his teeth and fist
He gave his muscles a roring twist
he took out his sword from the sheath
And went to monsters lair beneath

Dark was the lair with webs of spider
and mysterious liquids flowing everywhere
But he was like his own world rider
His Legs were firm in that dark sphere

Cath at 2:07am March 29

Lady was hurt and got injured
There in the lair she was absorbed with poison
Tears went flowing and nightmares conjured
And dreams on her prince flew away far and worsened

All the whirls came and she forgot
just like a brainwashing she could not
remember a thing on her romance with her knight
In that darkest lair her love was put off in a night


Jimmy at 3:31am March 29

Exploring the darkest corners was the knight
He expected a mighty fight
His sword was flashing with the light
N he sensed danger so held his breath tight

Suddenly without his notice
Ground slipped from his feet
And he fell in a trapdoor
too dark for light to reseat

Cath at 3:38am March 29

The lady woke up in the middle of that dungeon
She couldn't figure out what brought her here
Nothing, no one, no explanation was shown
She went out and left her place without fear

She heard a scream in gloom
She wondered and searched for that desperate emotion
She then found a room
and there she found a familiar charming man in question

Jimmy at 10:38pm March 29

He looked at her eyes large and deep
Like there were a thousand promises to keep
She said nothing and nothing he said
But Silent tiny droplets of rain were overshed

He felt something that smelt more than vengeance
Her eyes seemed to question his own existence
He brought his lips closer to her and she was tainted
But he felt his head heavy and on the spot fainted


Cath at 11:43pm March 29

The knight fell down hard and sickened
Guess a strong knight could lose too
Not to any monsters but to his lady without his clue
He was too tired fighting and heart broken

The lady was so haggard
Her feeling was so stunned by him and complex
This man, he was leaving her perplexed
She reached him and kissed him hard

Jimmy at 9:41am March 30

Golden tears of princess on the knight's face fell
He woke up like she had broken a spell
She ran her hands on his forehead
He looked at her eyes waiting for something to be said

Suddenly a black smoke covered the scene
Knight startled and princess Screamed
From out of the shadows of undead
A mysterious fire had started to spread



Jonathan M at 1:13pm March 30

"Flee!" cried the knight and together they ran
Deeper and deeper into the fiend's den
Away from the flame which engulfs a man
Into the unknown into the beast's pen

Twisting and turning the labyrinth before them
Until they exhausted and collapsed in each others arms
Breathless, yet in ecstasy, all they could fathom
But their quest didn't end as they lay in their charms


Jimmy at 7:29pm March 30

Cruel was the fire
Intense was the game
They were lying in each other's arms
And their love was still the same

Bleeding Were The feet
Emotions were discreet
So Intense they hugged each other
As a new born child is hugged by his mother


Cath at 10:24pm March 30

In that darkest place there came disgusting creatures
Not only one, but many being ravenous
They clapped desiring how to cut them in fractures
Myriad ways were thought by the knight out of his cleverness

The lady, scared but felt brave at the same moment
In that lost memory and tension, she was still in question
This man, she found many things in common
Her heart was beating fast between fear and compunction


Jimmy at 5:01pm March 31

Fire was Spreading and creatures were on the loose
Narrow was there life and death to choose
Princess came behind knight as a calf
Knight took out his sword and started to slice creatures in half

he was battling with extreme desire
The creatures he killed he threw it in the fire
But the battle was thousands against the one
So once again he held princess's hand and started to run


Cath at 12:11pm April 1

On their way out of the dungeon they were lost in despair
Running all the way incessantly and with pressure
The lady couldn't stand despite she was in pair
Cos then she felt her head hurt as in fissure

"Go away, leave me!" she told the knight
Tears was all over her but she was definite
The knight wouldn't survive if she was with him tight
One thing for sure, her love was infinite


Jimmy at 3:44pm April 1

Knight Stunned, Looked once the lady
And Suddenly all the exhaust went fady
Bathed in Sweat He Froze in his Spot
To be or not to be he knew not

The Princess was crying fire was spreading
All the hopes in her eyes were deading
suddenly when the desperation overlapped like a shot of Gun
Knight held the princess in his arms and started to run

Cath at 12:25pm April 14

Hours passed, ultimately they saw a shed of light
Leading their way out of that horrible pit
They ran faster, and the monsters were out of sight
Feeling blissful where their hearts could safely sit

The way out was blocked by a big stone
Hardly could the knight move that thing
But with love, persistence in the tone
The big rock moved, and light gave them blink

Jimmy at 10:32pm April 14

So came out they from endless pit and started to run
Their bodies were now shining by the sun
They looked back at the pit and it was about to blast
Diving to the ground Knight took cover of princess fast

Kabooom the cave blew and came out the black smoke
Knight looked at the princess and she was in a state of choke
Knight wiped her lips off the dust
He then fixed his lips to princess with a thrust

Cath at 10:38 pm April 15

The kiss from the knight was utterly delicate
The princess looked up and all seemed illusory
Their love, struggle only they could elucidate
After all, the monsters, the fights all were just cursory

"Has it ended?" Princess conceived
In the hug, with the smile and the look on the knight's face
"Who cares?" The princess perceived
All she would do was feeling their hearts' pace

 Jimmy at 5:53pm April 17

Was that the end no it was not
The earth began to Shake On the spot
From underneath the earth dug a hole
A serpent emerged gigantic in whole

Knight glanced at the princess then at the serpent
Serpent glanced at their sweaty bodies shining radiant
Like a thief approaches a precious gem light
Serpent began to approach the princess and the knight

Jonathan M at 7: 32 pm May 5

It taunted them as it circled the two
Casting gusts of wind in the wake of its movements
Dwarfed in size, it's scales could not be cut through
Both knight and lady relived their last moments

They held tight to each other as the snake drew near
Its tongue flicked out in anticipation of the prey
And as the duo were going to give in to their fear
Along came Kevin to save the day

Cath at 1: 38 pm May 13

Kevin rescued and they ran fast
Suddenly a flash of light came out in the dark night
It was the flash of a sword the princess saw at last
The sword was reaching fast towards the knight

Princess' last fear was the knight came to die
So without further ado, she came and received the blade
She said "I love you, goodbye" in the darkest night shade
And with that the princess gave her last breath and die

Jimmy at 4:38pm May 13

Knight In desperation hugged the princess
he burried his head in her heart and felt riches
Then he knew his fate wasn't cheating
He still felt her heart beating

The blade had venom and it was spreading fast
The princess still had a few breaths to last
So the knight sucked out all the venom looking at the sky
The venom spread though his blood taking away his life

Cath at 5:17 pm May 13

That would be so much better, the knight regret
Cos when he opened his eyes, this is no lie
The princess frail, so delicate, so pallid
yet, she was no longer there and she died

Knight wished he could turn back time
That he died instead of his sweetheart
But the story wasn't like this, it's hard
The princess died for him, he would not waste his time

Jimmy at 6: 49 pm May 13

At last princess opened her eyes to find the knight dead
She dreamt of her love in pain and sobbing her death
It was a sleep but this was real
she wondered at her heart pain so in appeal

Then Kevin came and wiped the princess tears
She was still so beautiful like brittany spears
Kevin gave princess another reason a bliss
he moved her lips closer and gave a passionate kiss

Cath at 7:01 pm May 13

Oh that was again only Kevin's darkest mind
The Knight sighed and buried the princess
He knew he had to live and be fine
cos what he had with her were gone into pieces

As for Kevin, he then tried to kill the knight
cos in his darkest psyche, he hated that warrior
How could this guy miss the blade meant to scythe?
And killed the woman he loved in ulterior

Jimmy at 4:37 pm May 19

But just when knight was weeping with a crave
A hand rose out from underneath the grave
The knight was startled and was frozen
Princess tore outta grave with power of dozen

Her eyes were flaming red, her teeth were pointed long
she was possessed by some evil spirit very strong
she jumped on the knight before he could recover
held him by the throat and choked life out of him sooner

Cath at 10:12 pm May 19

Afterwards, the princess woke up from the spell
And yes, that's true how evil had consumed her entity
She looked down and saw her man not well
died in fact and was supposed to be the end and it's pity

So, she decided, no this is not ended yet
She would then go for the knight's knife
She saw she could actually become his loving wife
and too bad she killed herself to be the safest heart bet

Cath at 10:15 pm May 19

She woke up and saw her knight
On the balcony with the shimmering light
Oh, is this heaven or hell
Who cares? She's with her knight and he's well

And so they died, and met in afterlife
They looked at each other and heck
even in afterlife their love is back
Cos that's better than not being together in life

Base line

This morning, I woke up, thinking of something big to happen, something enjoyable. Well, I believe everyone expects something good happens to him all the time, n especially me at the moment. Each day seems a frenzy of manic activity, a marathon of hurdles like coping with excessive paperwork, my study and my daily work. Pheewh! I dun remember when the last time I got my recreation. Looking back to my past, I used to hang out with my friends very often, almost everyday. But if somebody asks me if I want to go back to those days, high possibly I will say "No". Why? I'm not really sure. Hanging out isn't the answer, I guess. Granted, my past has a lot of memories - mostly sweet, but it's not something that I am contented with. I always question myself: Is human supposed to be satisfied? Or else? Is it true that we mustn't "stop till we reach the top"? And who is going to set the parameter of what 'top' actually is. Is it myself? Then, why am I never satisfied even though I have reached the top?
A friend of mine ever shared to me about what he called as 'base line'. Every human being has the base line, that it is simply the base of what we want. A person sets a goal, then after he has reached the goal, he is undeniably going back to the 'base line'. He merely thinks or feel normal about that, he might be excited for a while, but won't be long cos he's not satisfied and will ask for more.U get what I mean? Humans are never satisfied if they don't maintain the perspective of their own base lines.
An actor, once liked fooling around with girls, having sex and abusing drugs, eventually found out that he's suffering from HIV infection. Starting that point, he was seeing everything in different perspective, realising that he's gonna pass away soon. Every single minute seemed very precious to him. He appreciated people more than ever. Every single moment was enjoyable, like a blessing. Do u think why it is so? Simply because the perspective in the base line has changed. People like him are satisfied, or I should say 'close to satisfaction', cos they know how to maintain the balance of what they should get or they shouldn't get.
How to be happy? There are varieties of of answers for this. It doesn't matter. But when a person is satisfied with what he wants, what he gets, his family, his environment, his society, he is probably the happiest person alive. To be satisfied, base line should be set with certain realistic perspective.
Can I do that? Not really sure, but am trying hard for that. I Am trying to see everything from 'base line', be satisfied with my work, my life generally.

Love? U are kidding me...

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a princess who lived happily within the confinement of her castle. Outside her castle, there was this monstrously big, dark forest.. she hardly ventured outside. There were a lot of dangers outside. It was a lot safer to stay within the four walls of her charming castle. 

Hmmmm…no..I probably should start the story differently.

Ok..

Time: now

Place: anywhere you are

Who: you, me, her, any girls..

We are actually living in the story inspiring us in our childhood. Exactly a Freudian syndrome minus the sex part.

Imagine this, we all are put into high alert when some guys come approaching, knocking at your castle door. We’re happy, excited, thrilled to the bone, flattered, and at the same time, anxious and troubled. Is he THE ONE? MR. RIGHT? Is he for me?

Knock, knock, knock!

You take a peek, and get well acquainted with him.

Well indeed he is one of a kind (isn’t everybody?) and he has his ways..he’s cute and smart and funny and irresistible. And he wants you.

He’s smooth..knows what girls want..has this suave SOPs (standard-operating-procedures) accomplished through ample experience and time, that has got you go head over heels for him..

You try your best to defend yourselves. You don’t want to open the door for fear of hurt. Fear of the dark unknown forest. Fear of the great expectation. You warn yourself, you might get hurt (if not already hurt in the past).

Knock, knock, knock.

And he is just irresistible. Remember when you take one bite of chocolate and you just cant help taking another bite? Exactly the problem. You cant help wanting all the attention, the sweetness, the caring…….you cant help wanting him.

He’s the only thing you can think about. He becomes the first thing that occurs to you when you wake up in the morning, and the last to leave your mind before you fall asleep.

Before you know it, you’re in love, my dear.

Play it cool, don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, you keep telling yourself.

So what? I love him. In time, you yield to his affection and try to show some affection in return. You ventured outside the comfort of your now-lonely castle. You are willing to take risks. Willing to face all the darkness in this unknown forest together with him.

At least I try. No pain no gain, no risk no love.

Risk:

You cease being exciting for him. He figured you out. Knows you well. No longer interesting. Not curious anymore. He’s got you!

And then what? he thinks. He got his goal, add one more feather in his cap, apparently enough to keep himself and his ego amused.

Its cooling down.

Either you have a major broken heart or he could find you more than that, he’s persistent. Both of you think it’s just the ups and downs of the relationship.

Or even it just slipped away. No more feelings. What’s the point, adios!

A D I O S……

Maybe……………

Freedom

rain falls
within the endless awareness
the sun still shines
behind the clouds

loss rips
at the heart of love
empty peace still rests
at the source of tears

floods wash
away the precious hillsides
life rises to the surface
for another breath of joy

thoughts race
across the mind’s attention
quiet still sings
from the throat of nowhere

pure freedom remains
when all else is
swallowed in the river of time

Human makes mistakes

To err is human (or to blunderr is human). So they say. But did you ever feel you are plain stupid? You look at yourself in the mirror, reproaching yourself, hating yourself. Stupid. Moron. Imbecile. Idiot (I like to be redundant, so I can look less stupid even when I’m upset at myself for being one) Either way, Idiot!!

You make mistakes…professional ones..personal ones..emotional ones..or simply some faux pas (trust me, I’ve had a fair share of those).. People are upset or laughing at you… People even hate you. You are even more upset with yourself… Feel like banging your head on the wall.

BUM..BUM… BUM!! exactly that.

Stick and carrot principle often often applies here. You feel like punishing yourself for allowing the stupidity. You feel like forcingly telling your brain to behave. Be nice. Be smart. Be you. Be wise and not become a pain in the ass for other people. Well, the smart you. Not the stupid-at-the-moment you.

Just when you think you are just done away with your fair share of mistakes of the month, there comes another.. and so another BUM…BUM..BUM…Self esteem goes rock bottom, your pride becomes so diminished that you wish you just disappear! Seriously!

On my younger days, I thought when I grow older, my mistakes would go less. Age and mistake should be the other way around. Like light and shadow, day andnight, sport and fat, they should be mutually exclusive, if one is thriving, the other will be diminished…bottomline is you are supposed to be wiser when you are older.

Which is often not the case… I know, I know.

But to err is human. We make mistakes, sometimes because we are sleepy, negligent, forgetful or because we overlook some things, in short, faulty perception, or simply because we never know about the future. In any ways, we can hurt or offend people not on purpose.

But where to draw a line between a "blunder" and a reasonable course of action based on the available knowledge at the time?

And in hindsight, at times, we make some decisions based on available information. Hence, change of situation deprives the current decision of its validity. Ergo, a mistake (now). Being human, we are just bound to make mistakes.

Nature works in an unpredictable way.A mistake at present, can turn out to be something good with changing
situation.And hey! Here is another flash.

When you make mistakes, you learn the hard way not to repeat it, to avoid it, to anticipate.(This is very important to avoid more and more mistakes)

When you anticipate, you make better plans.

When you make better plans, you are bound to do things in a much better way.
Even babies have to fall in their first steps so they can walk.

The right to be wrong. They say what doesn’t kill you will only make you strong. Mistakes will make you strong. Don’t quit making mistakes. It’s our prerogative right to make mistakes. Afterall we’re human.

……Oh, and another moral of the story is, if you are thinking of banging your head, at the very least, don’t do it on the stone wall and risk a concussion, do it on the wooden board, it’s loud and it doesn’t hurt...:p

Gossip!Warning alert!

It's not like I have never gossiped about people, but in this post, I won't be judging anyone. It's just something I wanna point out and share, and so I can remind myself and everybody that gossip can be very harmful.

In Chinese it is shén-tán; in Finnish, juoru; in Italian, pettegolézzo; in Spanish, chisme. Yes, gossip is universal. In some languages, gossip may have an outright negative connotation. In English the word “gossip” basically means “idle talk,” chat about trivial matters.

Interestingly, though, the English term has acquired a negative connotation. “Gossip” is thus frequently preceded by the word “malicious” or “hurtful.” This is because idle talk so often amounts to hurtful or troublemaking talk. It may even turn into outright slander, which has been defined as “the utterance of false charges or misrepresentations which defame and damage another’s reputation.” Little wonder, then, that an ancient proverb says: “Gossip brings anger just as surely as the north wind brings rain.”—Proverbs 25:23

There is a rather basic reason for gossip: People are interested in people. Naturally, then, we are prone to talk about other people. As Max Gluckman, an anthropologist, once stated: “Every single day, and for a large part of each day, most of us are engaged in gossiping. I imagine that if we were to keep a record of how we use our waking-time, gossiping would come only after ‘work’—for some of us—in the score.”

When moderate and kind, casual talk may serve to exchange useful information, as a means of catching up on the latest goings-on. It may involve such innocent things as who got married, who is pregnant, and who died, or it may just be humorous talk that is free of malicious intent.

All too often, though, idle talk strays beyond the bounds of propriety and good taste. Facts are embellished, exaggerated, or distorted. Humiliation is made the source of humor. Privacy is violated. Confidences are betrayed. Reputations are injured or ruined. Things worthy of praise are obscured by complaining, murmuring, and faultfinding. That no harm was intended is of little solace to the one spoken about. Harmful gossip has thus been compared to mud thrown on a clean wall. It may not stick, but it always leaves a dirty mark.

Another reason we may easily be drawn into gossip is our natural desire to be liked and accepted by others. “For one reason or another,” wrote psychologists John Sabini and Maury Silver, “you have an obligation to talk; and gossip is a pleasant, easy, and universally accepted way to fulfill the obligation.” (Moralities of Everyday Life) To an extent, then, gossip is useful conversational fuel, a means to fit in.

The problem is that people tend to get far more excited about negative information than about positive information. Some even seem to enjoy being shocked by the sensational and the outrageous. Gossip is thus a real attention getter—the more lurid or scandalous the juicy tidbit, the better. Rarely is there any concern for substantiating shocking allegations.

This kind of gossip appeals to yet another human foible—inordinate curiosity. We love secrets. We enjoy being in the know. As early as 1730, when Benjamin Franklin began writing a gossip column for the Pennsylvania Gazette, it was discerned that people would pay for gossip.

Media gossip continues to survive—and thrive. In Europe newsstands virtually overflow with tabloids featuring stories about royal families, auto racers, and other international celebrities. One newspaper article thus called gossip big business.

But is it beneficial to be obsessively curious about what goes on in the privacy of people’s homes, bedrooms, and minds? Can the reading and viewing of material that tends to arouse prurient desires possibly be healthy? Obviously, media gossip takes curiosity beyond reasonable limits.

Unfounded rumors and misinformation have also provided fuel for harmful gossip. During the American Civil War, endless vinelike strands of telegraph lines were strung between military posts. The “grapevine” thus became a symbol of unconfirmed news, and the expression “I heard it through the grapevine” became a popular excuse for passing on unfounded rumors.

Unfortunately, the grapevine often yields bitter fruit. Rumors have been responsible for panic, death, and havoc. The cost to business alone has been incalculable. One fast-food restaurant chain spent more than a year combating a false rumor that its hamburgers contained worms. A company known for manufacturing soap products spent years—and millions of dollars—trying to squelch a rumor that its corporate symbol was the insignia of Satan and that the company itself was somehow involved in demon worship.

It is individuals, though, who suffer the greatest heartache and damage from rumors. Yet, because wild stories tend to be fascinating, people are inclined to promote them with little regard for the truth or for the consequences.

Envy and hate are often at the root of the most destructive form of gossip—malicious gossip, or slander.

THE young woman’s suicide shocked the quiet English town. Even more startling was the conclusion of the coroner’s jury: ‘She was killed by idle gossip!’ Evidently, the young woman’s name, her reputation, and ultimately her life were ruined by the town’s malicious idle talk.—Rumor and Gossip—The Social Psychology of Hearsay, by Ralph L. Rosnow and Gary Alan Fine.

Although the results are rarely that tragic, there is little question that gossip has awesome power. On the one hand, it may be credited as a common means of exchanging useful information. On the other hand, it may be held accountable for governmental turmoil, the splitting of families, the ruining of careers.

Gossip has been blamed for sleepless nights, heartache, and indigestion. And no doubt it has caused you some personal anguish at one time or another. In fact, writer William M. Jones warns that in the world of business, “you have to accept the possibility that in the course of your career somebody will try to get a knife between your shoulder blades.”

Negative gossip is almost universally frowned upon. Among the Seminole Indians of the United States, “talking bad about anyone” is put in the same category as lying and stealing. In one West African community, talebearers risked having their lips cut off or, even worse, they risked being executed! Indeed, throughout history, measures have been taken to curb gossip.

Between the 15th and 18th centuries, the so-called ducking stool was popularly used in England, in Germany, and, later, in the United States to try to shame gossipers into quitting their harmful chatter. One found guilty of the offense would be tied to a chair and repeatedly ducked in water.

While the ducking stool has long since gone the way of the pillory and stocks, a war against gossip has been carried on even in modern times. During the 1960’s, for example, so-called rumor-control centers were established in the United States to respond to rumors that were potentially harmful to government activities. Similar services have operated in Northern Ireland and in England. Laws have even been passed to curb gossip that is designed to cause economic damage to certain financial institutions.

Such efforts notwithstanding, gossip survives. It is alive and flourishing. Neither law nor any other human method has thus far succeeded in extinguishing its scorching power. Gossip is everywhere. There is neighborhood gossip, office gossip, shop gossip, party gossip, family gossip. It transcends all cultures, races, and civilizations, and it has flourished at every level of society. One expert said: “Gossip is so common it is almost like breathing.” He also said: ‘It is deeply a part of human nature.’

True, gossip often reveals a very dark side of human nature, a side that delights in tarnishing reputations, distorting the truth, and destroying lives. Yet, gossip is not inherently evil. There is a positive side to casual talk. And knowing where to draw the line between harmful and harmless gossip is the key to avoiding victimizing others—and being a victim yourself.

Ergo, how can we avoid stepping over the line of propriety and indulging in harmful gossip? How might we protect yourself from it?

1. Bite Your Tongue: It has been said that “conversation is an exercise of the mind, but gossiping is merely an exercise of the tongue.” Really, most injurious speech reflects, not malice, but a failure to think before speaking. Some blab the business of others; they spice, exaggerate, and distort with little thought to the consequences. They expose to others the faults of their friends, mates, and children without even discerning the damage they inflict.

2. Do Not Listen to Hurtful Gossip.What would happen to ‘big mouths,’ if there were no ‘big ears’? Those who are constantly engaged in foolish talk are only part of the problem; those who take delight in paying attention are also accountable. Simply listening may constitute your silent approval and contribute to the spread of hurtful gossip. So when talk about someone gets out of hand, we may have to show some courage and say, ‘Let’s change the subject.’

3. Do Not Overreact to Gossip: Most people enjoy gossip as long as the gossip is not about them. On the other hand, suppose we are the victim of an ugly rumor or false story. Sometimes it is possible to track down the source of the story and calmly straighten matters out. But what if we cannot?

Our getting angry accomplishes nothing.Gossip is a fact of life, and at one time or another, we have probably been an active participant in it ourselves. Is the matter really worth getting upset over? Will it most likely fade away after a while? There is “a time to laugh,” and perhaps showing that we have a sense of humor, laughing it off would be the best way to extinguish the rumor.

4. Do Not Add Fuel to the Fire: If the story simply refuses to die, we can ask ourselves: ‘Could it be that I am giving others a reason to gossip? Am I perhaps behaving in a questionable manner, giving the appearance of wrongdoing?’ Consider the following situations:

□ A woman’s coworkers call her lazy and undependable behind her back—even though she carries out her duties satisfactorily. Why the bad reputation? For one thing, she manifests a carefree, easygoing attitude that is easily misinterpreted as laziness. Her grooming is far too casual for the business setting she works in. Finally, she is indiscreet in her handling of personal phone calls, talking loud enough to attract the attention of the whole office staff. Hence, the gossip!

□ A local storekeeper is the talk of his small community. Rumor has it that he has been unfaithful to his wife. The man vehemently denies the false allegation. The cause of the rumor? His reputation for being unduly familiar with female customers.

□ A teenage girl is spoken of as having loose morals. Some claim that she has several lovers and that she is a cocaine user. All the stories are false. But she is known for associating with individuals who are part of the drug scene. She is extreme in her dress, hairstyle, and makeup.

Gossip is here to stay. However, it must be respected for its potentially destructive power. We can avoid much heartache and grief for ourselves and others simply by following these wise words: "Mind our own business!"

Freedom of speech, how far can it go?

Recently there was a debater who offended a group in Worlds championship. The debate itself was set up as a fun, relaxing debate session, i.e Master Debate which is separated from the main competition. During his speech, he called all ESL speakers sex slaves.

"Who needs child prostitutes when we have ESL speakers here as sex slaves."

This debater is expelled from the tournament for this comment.

Now as u can see from the link above, many people started questioning about the freedom of speech, even creating another contention. I am not trying to say that the dismissal of this man from this worlds is ok, maybe public apology would have sufficed. But interestingly, this condition has led me to think on how many people rely on "freedom of speech" as if it's completely justifiable to insult others as within personal opinion or merely for fun.

I would rather agree with Bong, an experienced debater and now coach in Indonesia, and let me quote her here while she was commenting on this issue.

"Free speech is not 'free' in the sense that there aren't any boundaries to it. This is the reason why, despite free speech being championed all over, there still are libel laws.

This is also the reason why doctrines such as 'the fighting words' doctrine have been carved out as exceptions to First Amendment freedoms. Words which incite people to hate, ridicule and/or discriminate people from a particular group, do not deserve First Amendment protection, because by their "very utterance inflict injury or tend to incite an immediate breach of the peace" (Look at Chaplinsky vs New Hampshire, circa 1942). There is a strong public policy and order rationale behind the doctrine, which is both prudent and wise.

The fact that this LSE debater chose to utter these inflammatory statements falls within the fighting words doctrine. Thus, IMHO, any chance at using the First Amendment (i.e., free speech) is unjustifiable. That he did not intend to cause such is not the test here. The test is the effect it has on the audience OR the particular group. Another test is the 'value' of the comment to the exposition of ideas.

Alluding that ESL speakers are perfect substitutes to sex slaves cannot, at least to the educated mind, possibly forward the discourse on preventing the spread of this serious crime.

As for people who blindly invoke free speech, kindly remember that the reason free speech is such a prized freedom is because it aids society to seek the truth, and to divulge this truth to the greater part of society. It has roots in societies which were repressed and oppressed, where expression was met with death.

If anything, this LSE debater made a mockery of this freedom."

Indeed, this is I guess the most ideal answer to this contention. Freedom of speech also has its limitation. Many ESL debaters (mostly Asians and Eastern Europeans) have come far to participate in Worlds, such big International debate competition, and maybe have put double effort simply to participate in this event. They really don't deserve to be mocked even in a public forum such as master debate no matter how humorous it can be which I think a really poor sense of humor.

Think first before you speak.