After the rain

As with all storms, clouds eventually clear and part, exposing silver linings to be admired by onlookers in appreciation of the beauty found in the newly cleansed environment. Intoxicating scents waft from every pore of the earth, inviting everyone to partake of the rejuvenation held inside the recesses of the rainbow’s purpose until the next storm is needed to repeat the process. Spirits don’t differ in that respect.The internal storms of yesterday clear the path for today. Removed are the brambles that littered the glittering road that must be traveled in order to reach the next place in the emotional journey of life. Internal storms are necessary to heal that which is damaged beyond the normal wear and tear when coupled with mental illness.

For me, yesterday was such a storm. I cannot guarantee that today will not hold its own downpour, but currently, the storm has abaded and receded to allow the parting of doubt that is carried constantly inside the chariot in which I travel. The team of emotions pulling the vessel change to allow each a turn in rotations mapped beyond the realm of full comprehension. The full scope of the team is not realized until the day has expired and tomorrow awakes from slumber to replace the hours of battle with a clean slate and a new today carrying the old into the past to join casualties discarded before it.

Does that indicate that yesterday is not important? History has a nasty habit of repetition when the lessons retired to yesterday are forgotten or not heeded in the present. Yesterday’s offerings shadow decisions made to continue on the road to improvement but they do not require constant analyzing to complete the learning process. Those casualties only require the cycle of repetition be halted. It is the triumphs that are carefully displayed to guide a weakened spirit farther into the future.

My triumph over the need to mutilate for reasons that could not be sufficiently described is what will help carry me into the emerging calm on the horizon. The sweetness of success of a battle well fought will assist in reaching the promise that the setting sun carries with it for me to follow, allowing a glimpse until I can fully be absorbed by the euphoria of stability in a sometimes chaotic world that exists only in the haunted corridors of my past. Each minute, each hour, each day that is successfully lived without inappropriate coping methods prominently influencing my actions and thoughts in an effort to overcome is a celebration of discovery.

Yesterday taught me to find diversions, speak to friends, new and old, and taught me that it is not always the blade that has the advantage. The cold steel may have more strength and stamina than my spirit at this time, but my spirit has the final release of action. If the action remains locked, then there can be no victory for the blade.

Today, I will carry that lesson and live for the moment as it is all that I can do. Should the turmoil once again knock heavily upon my door, I will attempt the lessons of coping that yesterday left behind instead of dwelling on the return of the fury held within the beckoning thunder. Today has more opportunities than yesterday but less than tomorrow. Each day in succession will follow the same well trodden avenues while creating new destinations. It isn’t always the path that must change but rather the final destination that has to be carefully cultivated. There may be many stops along the way, but each will hold a lesson to cherish and to grow from instead of arriving at the desired goal without an understanding of places already visited.

That is when yesterday has more importance than today. When that occurs, true happiness and stability cannot be found. My Granny once told me that life is similar to a delicate flower. While the seasons would cause it to bloom and fade in time to the seasons, the flower would remain if it were cared for properly. Currently, I am trying to care for myself properly so that I might once again feel the joy of blooming without the pain of withering.