Broken elixir

It seems that my gears are turning once again my dearest boils and ghouls…I am writing again, with fevered passion…with frenzied pace…though I must admit at times I am still running up against a wall. I have been stumped lately. Like a sponge that has been squeezed dry of all creativity. It is coming back to me…yet again, but it is disheartening when my well-spring runs low.
At times it feels as if the little imps that run things within my mind have slammed all the doors shut, locking and barring me from opening them. Those little mischief makers in my head have no problem causing all sorts of vivid, heartbreaking flashbacks, yet they torment me by making my desire and heart to stay cold from time to time. Or maybe it’s my way to act aloof , so that I don’t have to be too emotional  in dealing with agony? Questions and questions add up and I simply can’t answer it right now, or maybe it’s not even worth asking, I just don’t know.

What is it that makes us think with our hearts? Why do I allow memories of the past to influence what I do in the present?

I cherish every relationship I ever had, including the bad ones. Each one taught me something, now of course at the time of the relationships I didn’t feel that way or see it that way, but hindsight is wonderful. The problem though isn’t in what I learned, but rather in the ones that ended in a way without closure. To this day my heart wonders and wanders down paths that I need to let go of. I don’t know how though, my heart wants to know why, my heart wants to understand what it was that caused the relationship to take the turns that it did.
Maybe though there is a lesson, maybe I am supposed to be learning that not all things have a why….

Dreams are sometimes humorous, though they are the most terrible force to be reckoned with in my life. They always have been and I suspect they always will be. It’s just something else that haunts the shadowy depths of this unstable mind.

Melancholy is the mind, as it runs freely through your veins-
The agony in your mind’s asylum reaches in,
It grasps you by the reins.

In your dreams the buzzards pick at your eyes,
All you know now is the feeling of being buried alive.
You feel the December heat setting in,
All you remember now, is the sticking of a straight pin.
A song, friends, stuffs light the lantern in your mind,
They feed you the elixir of life,
Just to see what they might find.
A broken heart screams in your ear,
Now falling from your lidless eye, is a single bloody tear.
All you feel is extraordinary pain-
Melancholy is the mind, as it drives you insane.